The Bystander Effect

By Sifu Cathal Walsh

Barbara Coloroso is a well renowned educator, author and accepted authourity on the topic of bullying and bullying prevention.  You may recognize some of her books such as Kids Are Worth It and The Bullied, The Bully and The Bystander, the latter of which is the topic of this article.  She coined the term, Bystander Effect, in reference to the role that onlookers play in bullying and social violence situations.  I first encountered the Bystander Effect while working as a school teacher in a suburban middle school.  One lunch hour two girls around age 14 had engaged in a fairly vicious and prolonged physical fight.  I met with both girls afterwards to review what happened.  To my surprise I discovered that neither girl wanted their conflict to escalate to physical violence.  They both expressed feeling "pressure" from those "looking on."  These bystanders apparently possessed considerable power of influence.  The actions (and inactions) of those who "looked on" directly contributed to the escalation to violence.  Every child that watched, cheered (and also those who did nothing to help) owned some responsibility for the outcome.

Indeed many schools now issue equal disciplinary punishment for those deemed to be caught up in the "Bystander Effect."

The Bystander Effect also can work the other way.  When we choose to stand up for a bullied child (or adult) or refuse to condone the mistreatment of others, we use the the Bystander Effect for good.  A friend of mine recently emailed me a story that perfectly illustrates just how powerful the bystander effect can be.  It was one of those chain letters that I tend to quickly delete, but the message of this one is a powerful lesson as to the importance of the bystander....

 One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks." They really should get lives.  He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are going to build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. On Graduation day I saw Kyle and he looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech, so, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story. I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told about the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. 

As students in the martial arts, we must aspire not only to improve our own lives but also to help improve the lives of others.  The "U" in SHAKU is for "Unity."  Reaching out to help someone in need or lending support to a bullied classmate is the way of a true martial artist.  It is how we show unity as people.  "Stepping up" in such situations requires confidence and conviction.  But then no one ever said that doing the right thing is always going to be easy.

Sifu Cathal Walsh is a former school teacher and principal. He is also a former Education Standards Coordinator for the BC Ministry of Education. He conducts workshops for parents and educators on topics of school safety and bullying prevention. He is the founder of SHAKU Family Martial Arts, with locations in Duncan and Langford, British Columbia.. Got A Question? You can contact Sifu Cathal at 1-888-742-5810 or by email at asksifu@shakumartialarts.com 

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